If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
