This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize