I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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