he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
