don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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