you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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