i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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