woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
