At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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