i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
