I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize