So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
