There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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