you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
