I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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