Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
