A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
