guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
