I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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