I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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