so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
