I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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