Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize