We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize