Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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