Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize