wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
