So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
