OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
