if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm too high and old for this...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
