Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
