Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
