oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
