i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
