i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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