my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So vagazzling was a success
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize