Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
