I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
