..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize