FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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