I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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