After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
