Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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