just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
