Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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