every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize