i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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