Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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