Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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