I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
