In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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