T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
