the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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