No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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