The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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