dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
