I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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