Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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