For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
