hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
