remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
