she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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