What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
