I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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