I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
