Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
