I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
